Is it better to hate to love something or love to hate something? Is it even a question or is it a consideration between these extremes? 

I couldn’t stop thinking about this as I wrestled within the sheets and readjusted my pillows. I found myself occasionally stopping for a moment and becoming fixated on the sepia tone tapestry of the Mariposa Sequoia Grove hanging on the wall above the headboard on my Pacific Ocean Blue-painted wainscot paneled wall. What could be the answer to this question that continues to evade me this evening? 

To provide you some background, I’m in a unique and charming studio in Palo Alto. Yes, I live in Silicon Valley and I’m an engineer. Yes, I work at a company who’s stated mission is to organize the world’s info and make it accessible and useful. Yes, you have likely heard about it before and use it on average at least 76 times a day starting from while you are still in bed and until it is the last thing you do before you fall asleep. 

My humble dwelling is located in a vibrant and bustling area off of University Avenue. At this moment, my landlord is looking for me to pay over $2500/month for my next six month lease. Before you have any sympathy for me, that’s cheap around here. I’m literally steps away from some of the most eclectic dining and shopping on the Peninsula. You may read about and talk about going “green” but I’m the poster child – I’ve got access to Caltrain and I don’t have to own a car as I have access to a high-tech, low impact employee shuttle to work (they run on 5% biodiesel).

Life is good. Yes, “Life is good” as the crusher graphic tees and other apparel and accessories casually proclaim. Disclaimer though, I’ve looked on their site and even the “Life is good” people have a bold reality check. They state the following: “Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is good.” You didn’t know that did you? Interesting, eh? That’s not the line I see printed on all this swag around town. I may have missed the items in the “Life is not perfect” holiday sale online while having our yearly controlled chaos Christmas dinner at my in-laws. No, I don’t “hate to love” this company, their ever-chill icon, or their lofty ideal of “spreading the power of optimism”. It is ALL good. You see what I did there? The company continues on to specify that “optimism is not irrational cheerfulness or “blind positivity”. It’s a pragmatic approach for approaching life.” 

As an engineer who is trapped within the confines of my bed for the next six to seven hours, I surmise that at least at this point I’m leaning towards the hate to love. In the category of love to hate though, I believe politics (especially presidential candidates) and those bumper stickers (especially those god awful stick figure families) fit perfectly. I also can’t forget or forgive former Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez for his actions in the 2003 American League Championship Series (and really all Red Sox players past and present except Pedroia and Big Papi). In the hate to love, cleaning my apartment is definitely ranking high atop the list of things but it may surprise you to know that it is really technology and being constantly connected that ranks way up there as number one. 

At this point you are saying to yourself, sure, a Silicon Valley engineer that hates to love technology and being constantly connected. How believable is that? I come from a town over three hours outside the valley. My hometown of Groveland has a population of 3,388 and sits at an elevation of 2,552′. It is the land where both cellular signals and wifi goes to die and I long for it. If you haven’t tried to go off the grid, head out to Stanislaus or Yosemite and you’ll have no other choice in the matter. We still have no telephone and no television and it is just perfect. 

This isn’t an indictment on technology or being constantly connected. At this point personally and professionally we all need time to unplug. The second after I wake up every morning my iPhone reminds me of all of the scheduled activities that have been committed to me. Before I rise from these sheets in the next six hours (at this point in my ramblings), I’ll have checked my emails and statuses. I’m being honest with myself when I share that I hate to love this most of all and long for the day where I can’t connect any longer. I hope to be in a position where I don’t need to receive notifications and I can reestablish the true personal connections that were really meaningful at a much earlier time in my analogue life. The type of relationship shared over a meal without everyone grabbing for their mobile devices and where stories and jokes were the basis of our engagement with one another instead of asking if you saw or liked my post. For now, I’ll set my alarm on my iPhone and wake up like I do every morning to Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” and hope these paradoxical thoughts in my mind can quickly pass. The alternative will be to start counting sheep or the number of joints in the tung and groove wainscot paneling which are both better options than some artificial ocean sound I could download from iTunes.